The number of ad hoc “spot coaching” calls I’m fielding this summer is unprecedented. Most are calls from frustrated clients/former clients who feel they’re being pushed unreasonably, taken advantage of or treated unfairly. They’re telling themselves to stop taking things personally, but they can’t seem to break away.  When your reaction is emotional, pay attention. Respect the emotion without letting it rule.

The most common sources of the calls seem to be interactions with [stupid] clients, [useless] employees, and/or [crazy] relatives. Here are a couple of tips to try if you come up against these irritants, or if you’re tired of listening to someone else rant about them!

1. Above all, remember to do what serves you best. More directly- don’t waste any time or energy! Both are far too scarce. It does not serve you well to be pissed off or upset, there is no benefit to ”winning” or being “right” in most of these situations. Distraction takes you away from your own priorities and goals. Better to accept, deal, learn and move on!

2. Remove yourself from the source until you feel rational. Be productive, get other things done. Go to the gym. Get to a yoga class. An action movie. Chill. Reacquaint yourself with your sense of humor.

3. OK, now it’s time for the “accept, deal, learn and move on” process.

• Accept- review the facts. Understand that what’s past, can’t be changed. Believe “perception is reality”. Understand your own capabilities and shortcomings. Determine the best possible outcome given the facts. Figure out the pros/cons of potential options, decide what to do.
• Deal- do what serves you best. Follow up with the options you came up with. See what happens. Behave. If you decided it was worth it, put up with more than you think you should. If you decided you’re done- disengage with grace. By the way, one flavor of “dealing” is to give things another chance, to decide specifically “not to deal” at this time.
• Learn and Move On- figure out what the takeaway is and then get back to the present. The best way to have more good days than bad is to use each one most effectively.

So, sounds simple, I know it’s not easy. (I could never admit to feeling that I have “stupid clients” and I don’t have any “useless employees”, but- man, that “crazy relative” thing surely feels familiar……) I’m so happy to take those spot coaching calls, because it’s really pretty easy to redirect folks back to a more positive space. All it takes is a little loving objectivity.

The most important thing is to shorten the time frame from realizing that you’re being hijacked by feelings to getting back to the present. The golden rule, do what serves you best, is key. Remember it. If you do, you’ll find the road is a lot smoother and the journey much less stressful!

Bottom line: life is short, struggle is optional!