I wrote this post in January, never sure if I’d publish it. Yesterday, I learned that someone special in the world died, unexpectedly. As another friend described, it was “devastating”.  Just as in my post below, I’m freshly thrown off track. So I decided to post after all. Hopefully someone will find it valuable. Here tis. Too long, as usual.

If you’ve worked with me, you’ve heard me rail against anger as a “waste of time and energy”. Grief, and the sadness that comes with it, is different. Right now, grief is part of my story. Recently I connected the dots and realized that grief is a time management issue. Grief is a time bandit! 

Without a lot of background, my brother has at last been give a year’s timeframe to live. He has had a tragic life, the choices he made brought him to this point, and yes- by many criteria, it is a “blessing”.  His quality of life is poor. Still, there is grief and sadness as I go through this time.

I need to choose how to be with this grief over time. I know that because I did a lot of spinning in November and December, before I acknowledged grief as an extra variable to consider in my work/life balance equation. I was energized by a great autumn, had a lot of plans for 2010, and I was determined that this wouldn’t impact my plans. Right. Instead, I basically shut down. I’ve been gone. Didn’t follow up with leads, missed appointments, etc. 

A coaching conversation finally woke me up. I was talking with someone who had to revise goals to account for an unexpected illness and recovery. I made the point that recovery takes time, that it’s appropriate to be realistic and account for that, even though it meant delaying the action that defined “success” to my client. Sometimes “success” is about being as healthy as possible, and doing what you can and want to, not what you “should”. Turns out, I’m in the same boat!

Here’s my approach, perhaps there’s something you can use as well:

• Take extremely good care of myself. Be healthy. Physical and mental health are a priority.
• Ask for help. Support structures come in a lot of flavors: friends and family, therapy, a neighbor who walks my dog, on and on. Spend time with the people who give me energy.
• Be clean and current in my relationships. Be there, but honest. Be aware of my own boundaries. Make sure that I have no regrets.
• Be practical. Schedule white space. Leave days open. Outsource or delegate where I can.
• Stay where the energy is. Don’t do things if I don’t have the energy for them. Be aware of “flow”.

The most important thing is giving myself permission to move energy to the “life” side of the work/life balance equation. I’m kinder to myself. I feel relieved. I have permission to redefine success.

I’m fortunate to have the luxury of choosing to work less. Whether or not you have the wiggle room to take care of a crisis by working less, it’s important to recognize the impact and account for it in the best possible way. Pay attention to what’s really going on. You might not be able to take the same approach I did, but you can be clear in your intentions for dealing with whatever it is that might be knocking you off balance.  Make choices about what you do and don’t handle. Do what serves you well.

I didn’t face my facts. Sometimes, despite your best intentions- you might have to change your work/life balance. Give yourself permission. If the fact is that everything is not OK, do what you can to make your way through in the best way possible for you. Remember the airplane/oxygen mask instruction, and take care of yourself first. When it’s time to rebalance, you’ll be ready.